Friday, December 23, 2005

Saving Polar Bears for Future Generations of Coca-cola Ads

A great Christmas gift from the Senate this year - one more underhanded attack on the Arctic Refuge was narrowly averted. This one was the most slippery, sleazy political tactic yet - after trying to link it to the energy bill, and then the budget bill, Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens snuck it into the defense spending bill. When speaking to a friend about this, and denouncing any politician who would support this grossly deceitful maneuver, he mentioned that a lot of them are probably motivated by fear.

I'm sure more than a few senators had nightmares of TV commercials during their reelection campaign saying "Senator Bla bla bla voted AGAINST the defense spending bill because he/she just doesn't care about helping our troops..." Shot of a soldier shooting at the enemy, his gun barrel emptying, he reaches into his bag and finds a note that says "I.O.U ten bullets". And then he goes down in a slow motion hail of enemy fire. And then an American flag. Vote for Joe Lovesamerica.

But thankfully, we have senators like Boxer and Feinstein and John McCain, who speak their conscience even when there's a risk of political backlash. And thankfully, the constant public support of preserving the Arctic refuge has created enough pressure to protect this important natural landmark for yet another year. Merry Christmas, Mr. Stevens.

It draws attention to the incredible importance of public awareness when it comes to politics. In this era of Fox Propaganda and Rovian mudslinging, it's so crucial that people are active in seeking out the truth in politics. It's out there - but you have to be vigilant, as our president would say. Once again let me plug my two favorite news sources: "Now", which you can stream online if your PBS station is monkeying with its time slot, and "To The Point" with Warren Olney, a radio show and podcast which is the single most informative and even-handed news source available.

I'm currently putting the finishing touches on my own political website which I will launch early in the new year. It focuses on the environment, and my goal is to stay on top of all the major issues and keep readers informed with a bit of humor. One-stop shopping for environmental awareness. Several of my recent posts have been test runs for the new site. I'll post the link as soon as it's launched.

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Five Worst Tom Petty Songs to Promote An Airline

1. Free Fallin'

2. Something In The Air

3. Breakdown

4. Running Down A Dream

5. Learning To Fly

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Back from my trip to Florida with family. I flew Delta, but due to the numerous mergers and complications in the airline industry, I actually flew some airline called Song. Song is my new favorite airline. Song has an offbeat vibe, with a flashy logo, cheerfully kooky flight attendants and an interior design in a myriad of day-glo colors, suggesting the airline was bought by Delta from Pedro Almodóvar. I bought a lime green neck pillow with Song's logo on it. When we landed in Orlando, the captain announced, "We know you have your choice of financially troubled airlines to fly, so we appreciate you choosing our financially troubled airline..."

Song also has, ala Jet Blue, an individual TV monitor for each seat. On the flight back to LA, after watching several hours of the Food Network, I decided to play the in-flight trivia challenge. I was competing with about ten other people, and I won three games in a row. I'm not sure how proud I should be of the accomplishment, though. In one game I got knocked down a few pegs for getting a question about Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" wrong, and then bounced back into first place by knowing the name of Britney Spears' first movie.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My Nephew Nolen's Recommendation to Name the Newly Discovered Tenth Planet

Yellow Power Ranger Giraffe Banana Planet.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Five Seasonal Greetings To Piss Off Bill O'Reilly

1. Quarterly Tidings

2. Happy Year-Death

3. Merry Home-Invasion-by-the-Greatest-Criminal-Mastermind-of-all-Time

4. Joyeux Noel

5. Santa's Not Real!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


Godzilla has been living in quiet retirement until today, in a storage space somewhere near St. Charles, IL. Back in the seventies, his reign was supreme - he terrorized Star Wars characters, plastic soldiers, G.I. Joes - but now, no one fears him.

Godzilla aged fast - the first to go was the vital but awkward plastic lever jutting from the back of his head. It controlled the flat, rubbery strip of fire he could extend from his mouth and vanquish foes. It was basically a forked tongue painted with flames like the hood of a 70's Trans Am.

Next, his projectile right hand. Fired into enemy territory. And the too-easily removable tail. All gone, just like his eyesight and sex drive.

But today, Godzilla has emerged from retirement, revitalized and horrific. Run! Before it's too late! Buildings crumbling in flames, powerlines tangling around his knee caps. Godzilla lives!

Friday, December 02, 2005

Listen to David Byrne's iPod

I've added a new link on the sidebar, to Radio David Byrne. It's a radio station that plays about 4 hours of music in rotation, which he programs, and changes once a month. David Byrne is a hero of mine, and I've considered putting a link to his blog up in the past - it's one of the few I read regularly; insightful, entertaining and amazingly prolific (isn't this guy a celebrity and shit? When does he have the time to do coke off a stripper's breasts?).

He's got extremely varied taste in music, as evidenced by the choice to close his Hollywood Bowl show this summer with a (terrific) cover of Beyonce's "Crazy In Love", performing alongside a chamber orchestra, a mock pep rally band and The Arcade Fire. He programs each month with a certain theme. Last month it was synth and hiphop of the 80's and 90's, October was Missy Elliot, September was Bob Dylan, before that it was Italian music... you get the picture. This month it's "Rednecks, Racists and Reactionaries - Country Classics". Enjoy it while you can - he's already received a warning from the RIAA for playing too much of one artist. You can also access it through iTunes. I hope he continues it - it's a fun insight into a genius artist and a listen so eclectic it makes "Morning Becomes Eclectic" seem like the Mtv Countdown.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

New Jersey Accidentally Passes Environmental Measure

If there's one place in the nation that a chemical-spewing, filth-belching factory can feel right at home, it's New Jersey. But yesterday Acting Gov. Richard J. Codey passed a series of security measures for its chemical plants that require them to assess potential risks from terrorist attacks. In some high-risk cases the threat could affect over 1 million people. And here's the kicker: the rules require roughly one third of the highest risk candidates to review the potential for using chemicals in their plants that are safer. Whoooooops!

Spurned and disillusioned, the factories responded by lamenting the end of their sado-masochistic love fest with the state of New Jersey.

  • Industry officials criticized the new standards, saying chemical companies have cooperated with the state and have already spent more than $100 million on improving security. Hal Bozarth, executive director of the 72-member Chemistry Council of New Jersey, said the new set of requirements "sort of ends a feeling of 'Let's work together,' and it implies that we've done nothing, which is far from true."
Their own security measures have included a $1 million giant picture of Osama Bin Laden to hang over a landfill and hurl barrels of toxic waste at, and electric collars to keep the C.H.U.D. born out of the primordial toxic ooze from leaving the perimiter.

The industry responded to these measures with a series of television ads that depict someone recycling a plastic bottle and then pan over to the side of the road where a chemical factory watches with a single tear in its eye.

NEW! Global Pandemic! NEW!

We are facing a terrifying new threat to worldwide health: AIDS bird flu. As the public becomes aware of this serious threat, health officials have been scrambling to find a vaccine to stop the spread of AIDS bird flu. But with over 40 million two cases worldwide, this could already soon be a worldwide pandemic.

Today is World AIDS Day.