GODZILLA!!!

Godzilla has been living in quiet retirement until today, in a storage space somewhere near St. Charles, IL. Back in the seventies, his reign was supreme - he terrorized Star Wars characters, plastic soldiers, G.I. Joes - but now, no one fears him.

Godzilla aged fast - the first to go was the vital but awkward plastic lever jutting from the back of his head. It controlled the flat, rubbery strip of fire he could extend from his mouth and vanquish foes. It was basically a forked tongue painted with flames like the hood of a 70's Trans Am.

Next, his projectile right hand. Fired into enemy territory. And the too-easily removable tail. All gone, just like his eyesight and sex drive.

But today, Godzilla has emerged from retirement, revitalized and horrific. Run! Before it's too late! Buildings crumbling in flames, powerlines tangling around his knee caps. Godzilla lives!